At an impasse

Why the photo, I'm not sure. It's of D watching the circus when he was less than Fynn's age. Utterly overwhelmed, to the point of immobility.

I'm feeling underwhelmed to the point of immobility, which seems to be the point? Everything grinding to a halt ... work, shows, sitters, income, progress with the kids.

Being still, being forced to be still.

The desire to scream has subsided, followed by a period of "whatever!" Enjoyed some conversations this weekend, delightful ones that hit home, and that helped immensely. As did some talk of "what's the bigger picture, and what's our role in it?". That helped even more.

Not ready to talk about that much, still chewing. It does mean talk of land, water, and non-nyc did come into play. Though there's a strong feeling we're not done here yet. Somehow the timing does always become obvious, but I do get antsy.

In the spirit of "whatever" I had some cider and watched Elizabeth tonight. My husband's question at the end of it?

"So, does that make you wish you'd married something other than a husband?"

No, but the martyrdom aspect still has it's residual appeal. Nobility and higher calling and all that, not to knock it. But I don't know that I could have done it honestly.