spring fevers
Thursday, April 10, 2008 at 9:24PM 
it's been a crazy day. days. week. month. life? that's another story. the weather today was suddenly summer. early summer, gorgeous, 70's, flip flops and t-shirts and dollar-store squirt guns. D had a playdate already scheduled, so we made the most of it outdoors. I filled water guns, doled out snacks, dodged water streams, and trimmed and trained huge draping rose-bushes in between. a perfect afternoon. the playdates mom called to say she'd be there in 20, and I knew they had a baseball practice to go to. i didn't check my phone, but after 30 minutes or so i started herding the boys to the gate to get D's friend ready to be picked up. his mom arrived in a panic, her other 2 kids in tow, and when i said i'd run in to get his things she snapped back that couldn't i just keep it till tomorrow? i assured her i could, she wouldn't let him take the squirt gun i said he could have (not appropriate for practice?), so he left in tears. i discovered 2 missed calls from her when i got inside, so apparently didn't hear my phone? hence the frustration that he wasn't ready to go. it's just a tiny thing, but i felt badly. felt like strike 3 and you're out, as there have been a couple small things like that in the last few months and i've felt the friendship that was growing between she/i start to fade. not things i feel guilty about, but things that are reasons (i believe) for her to back off.
i think a lot of is just that i'm feeling fragile. adjusting, but fragile. discovered yesterday that D gets out of school on june 26th!!! i thought it was early june. that means another whole month of solo (3 total) before we can move up there for a whole 6 weeks. we're going up for spring break week after next, which is good, but feels like not enough. his schedule is now 4 weeks on/5 days off, and still no phone. i want to cut loose and enjoy spring and running and all, and i do, but then lose it like I'm hormonal and pregnant, which i'm NOT.
i have lots of other thoughts but can't articulate them. not yet anyhow.
was asked today if my running was running away from something, as it seemed that way. i replied, honestly, that it started out that way (running away from responsibility for an hour at a time) but had grown into something i loved for it's own sake. and i do ... the longer the distances, the more i get into it, and crave it. eyeing my next pair of running shoes on ebay, a barely-used (10 miles) pair of the kind I like, at less than half of retail. as they retail for 120, it makes a difference, and I'm way overdue for a pair and can feel the lack of cushioning. 3 weeks till my half marathon! i am psyched for that, but no idea yet who can watch the kids. i'll need half a day of coverage, and my running buddy S, who's been a huge help, i'm afraid of maxing out her kindness. she keeps picking me up, taking me to the park or gym, loaning me her fab jogging stroller, and babysitting so i can run solo. we inspire each other which is perfect but she's doing a lot more babysitting than i am. such is life i guess. the friendship is going deeper as the running lengthens, and it's very good. so one good relationship developing at least :).
spring fevers. hot and cold and not always lucid. that's me.
Reader Comments (5)
I hope things go smoother when she picks up the stuff tomorrow.
And can you send me my sane moms info? I have been trying to get in again and no matter what I do it tells me that my account doesn't exist.
That photo is terrific, and reminds me of a certain water balloon fight of which I seem to have some photos in my collection. :-)
Probably that Mum was just having her own nightmare day, and what she probably would have secretly wanted to do was join in the fun and dodge the water pistols with you.
I remember a night we as a family had gone to a local festival on the Chita Peninsula. It was a great festival, but kind of an overload of the senses and lasted all day, so we were literally too tired to drive home. For some insane reason we decided to buy some dinner and take it to a park, despite it being night time. There we were in the park, and after eating our night picnic we spent some time playing on the play equipment. As an adult, it took the cloak of night for us to be "allowed" to do this, but it was so fun and we forgot about what we "had" to do or what we "should" be doing, getting our kids into bed. After that we were not tired any more, and drove home, the happy kids asleep in the back.
I don't know what about this story reminds me of your story, but I guess that I'm suggesting that I hope one day, this stressed mother also knows the joy of just letting things happen and enjoying them in the moment. I know YOU are already able to do that, so the hope extends mainly to her (a woman I've never met).
:-)
glad you are trying to "keep on keeping on" in the hard, no husband time.. i feel for you and am glad that you vent through running and your blog... a person needs to..
ke
Hey, I know the fragile feeling... For me it's brought on by not spending time with my friends. Glad you're not blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault. Hope you have a great time on spring break!
thanks all for the kind words. the playdate mom was all normal today, said she was just frazzled, and happily accepted the squirt gun as promised. a much better evening :)