winding up

We're "winding up" our time in MA this week, and it's an apt term. my stomach has been tying itself in tighter and tighter knots as the moving date (3 days away) approaches. I've been finding myself almost in a panic about it. Trying to identify why gets messy. I've loved many many things about this summer.

• No pressure from school schedules or morning routines.
• Green trees, fresh air, and rolling hills
• Training in the country, with no exhaust issues and lots of friendly neighbors
• A group of friends who always have bbqs and picnics and easy conversation
• A lot of time with my husband and kids.
• A car to make some trips that otherwise would have been complicated
• Being away from mail (forwarding worked once all summer, who knows what I've missed!)
• Having only one active client, and not fussing about getting more
• Sunshine.
• Cool weather all summer
• Waterfalls and ponds and beaches
• Raw milk and farm veggies every day of the week
• An apartment that I didn't really care about and wasn't nice enough to bother making nicer.
• Porches that I could use w/out climbing out a window
• Being able to actually see the sunset (and occasional sunrise)
• Seeing the moon huge and bloody on the horizon, not halfway up in the sky, small and pale
• Having good friends come to visit, and not fussing with parking
• Huge tree swings, zip lines, and tree houses
• Few things to fuss with, worry about, or deal with
• Just being a mom, with a few side things to stretch my technical side

I could go on. It's been wonderful and truly relaxing.

We all return to the city for the next week, school starts Tuesday for D and Wednesday for F, and M comes back up here the following weekend for another 3 weeks or so. Back to single parenting, fitting in much longer runs (begging babysitting), getting two kids ready and off to school in two different directions, clients, getting ready for the WAHM conference I'm exhibiting/attending/speaking at in October, having to pitch in on a team at the coop school and be somewhat involved there, finding a subletter for the frontroom again, and the other things that go along with life in brooklyn with two kids.

I don't want to lose the peace and relaxation, though I don't mind the work itself. I'm afraid I'll get sucked into the the ratrace again. I can conscously try to keep things simple and relaxed, but it's not easy. Toying with the idea of keeping F home from school and finding a sitter or playgroup for the two days he'd be going. It would eliminate all the coop responsibilities and dropoffs (a mile walk away) but adds the stress of finding someone asap. Not sure what to do there. The first bill is due in 10 days, so I have that long to decide I guess. I'd lose my deposit, but it's probably worth that.

The day winds on, the boys (A who's visiting, and D) are in the tub, and Fynn is climbing into the cabinet again and begging "shut it mama" so life calls.

Comments

[kozoji]

Hey, don't diss porches where you have to climb out the window! That was the best porch!

I can sense your sadness that the summer is coming to an end, though. I too return to real life and want to run screaming from it. AAAAARGH!

But here I am. And here you are. We're getting back to our respective real lives, whatever that may mean. It's a good thing, really. And if it wasn't, then something would tell us that and we'd make permanent change, right? (Wait! I have made permanent change! And now I wait to see if that permanent change is the right decision... all the while trying to deal with this thing called real life).

OK, before I tie myself up in knots, I'll sign off. You'll work it out in that beautiful old Brooklyn brownstone. Or you'll work it out that it's time to leave the Brownstone. Everything will go as it is supposed you, you'll see. :-)

[Anna-b-bonkers]

Oh Bethany, you summer list sounded so amazing! That is the life I strive for every day. Mind you in the winter I am still not sure how I will cope.

I feel your angst though/ Getting away from the rat race, endless traffic and commuting and stress of keeping up is what helped us decide to move from Edmonton to Saskatchewan.
I have created new stresses here for myself but am also trying once again to regoup and find a simpler way to get things done.

I hope you can get back into your city routine and with as little stress as possible.
I so admire your drive and determination. You always find a way!