twist and shout
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 at 1:49PM i seem to be in a complete spiral again, not functioning very well. stress over lots of clients to fit in, spring break looming with 11 days of boys, no money to go anywhere, and a husband with several evening commitments and a guys weekend where he’ll be away. again. i’m simmering with resentment that i haven’t gotten away more than a few hours, and he’s had 5 days in canada, and now another getaway with guy friends. i have plans for may and dc, but i can’t even think that far ahead. i feel swamped with design work that’s stressful (logos are HARD), deadlines, committing to not doing the work while the boys are up as i end up sooo snappy and short with them that i can’t. one computer and no tv means i can’t park them for half an hour either, as the computer is the only place to watch stuff. i’d rather not do that anyhow. a lot of things I’d rather not do, that I am. working late at night, every night. i’m not even sure why it makes me so mad. i don’t mind the work, but would find it a lot less stressful to have real daytime hours to work on it, rather than sputtering out what I can before i collapse into bed. but it is what it is and i can’t change it and can’t afford not to do it. why do i resent it so much, and that flops over into me resenting my husband too. mad that he’s not making enough to support things right now.
i’m just plain simmering, with no real understanding of what exactly I mad at. that things aren’t going so smoothly? whatever. it’s life and it’s fine. i’m just mad. here’s hoping i get a handle on it before it blows up in my face, like it almost did last night.
Reader Comments (2)
would it help to count blessings? or would you like to kill me for suggesting such a thing? sit and talk to god about it? mm. perhaps you've already done that and still want to explode...
and really, don't want to come across as preachy or patronizing. really. you're quite wise and are fully aware so i ain't telling you nuthin' you don't already know. just putting it out there in case it hadn't crossed your mind today. and 'cause it's been helping me immensely to do the same these days.
lordy - you sound like you need a break. want to send child #1 to our place? mine will be home on the 13th and 14th before he has to return to school. oh! i could take yours with me and he could go to school for the 2 days that week and then come with us to the please touch museum on friday. or something. he'd be gone for the whole the week though. we could drive him back friday night (17th). you could even send child #2 for the same vacation if you were willing to part with him and entrust him to my evil parenting. we might be able to squeeze in driving in this friday to pick them up.
wish I could spirit you away...
I've just found your blog again (had lost it for a while) and sad to see the stress you're under, I'm under my own heavy stress blankets as you know, but I could just feeeeeeeel the simmering volcano in that roommate resume post. It reminded me sooooo much of when my nephew was here and I was practically applying for jobs FOR him, just so that somehow magically he would get out of the house and into his own place.
The good news was that magically, it DID happen. He had a pretty weird time of it in his lonely little apartment in Gifu but I was just so relieved not to have him under the same roof (honestly, we could have switched out the names and you could have been writing about my situation!).
Anyway, love and hugs from me on a day when I am chained to the computer.