btw
Saturday, January 9, 2010 at 11:40PM i’m doing nablopomo over here
i’ll still post, and actually finding so far that daily writing is making me want to write more.
still simmering a lot, but not able yet to even put my finger on why.
d had a hysteria-induced breathing episode tonight (athsma attack? something along those lines anyhow) that was triggered by being overtired, mockingly talking about god when i said it was time to pray, and getting disciplined for it. have an ongoing issue with mockery with him, and been consistently dealing with it as a serious issue, which i believe it is. ended up trying relaxation exercises, steam bath with essential oils, and then an old albuterol inhaler that i had from fynn’s breathing problems. i honestly think the triggers to it are psychological, but don’t want to downplay the physical problems that result either. he has an appt with his homeopath in a couple weeks, and i’m curious what will come of that.
been doing a lot of cleaning lately, of the organizing and digging out the cracks kind. house smells a lot better (fabulous at the moment actually as i have chicken stock simmering, D/A have soup simmering), and it’s making me hungry again. when i can’t get my mind wrapped around something, cleaning is often therapy, and the physical organization tends to clarify my mental drawers too. so does running, at which i’ve been woefully lax lately. hard to get dressed/out when it’s so cold, but it’s more the why-bother-i-have-no-goal sort of thing. got one yesterday though, when i realized (thanks to my bank acct dipping even further) that i got into the nyc half marathon on mar 21. looking fwd to it muchly, as it’s a route that is far more interesting than circling central park, which i’ve gotten sick of. it’s one lap there, then down thru times square and the rest of mid/downtown, into Battery park. so i have some motivation, hoping it’s enough. my body misses it, much like i missed my period when i was nursing fynn. it’s emotionally cleansing, and i need a lot of that right now.
house is blissfully quiet, going to go try on some clothes i was sent and see what to keep. i think music is in order.
Reader Comments (8)
It's very possible D is onto something. I think your use of the word "mocking" reveals you do not fully understand/are not giving a chance, his views on your family's religious observance. Is it possible the way in which you are observant is childish, ritualistic, superstitious, trite, unexamined, vestigial or otherwise something he may quite rightly be having trouble taking seriously?
mike: your ability to piss me off, by making sweeping generalizations based on limited information, it quite unmatched.
no comment on the above comments!
i discovered that my husband is resistant towards being asked to pray too much on a routine, for example at EVERY meal, or something like that. he has high standards for it being genuine, rather than ritual, something i've enjoyed being challenged on.
i always enjoyed the prayers we shared at your house. they felt sincere and spontaneous.
Besides, you want those ravens to get bored and the young eagles to starve to death?
oooooh. i really like the way this blog is going.
so if mine started mocking (which happens), i might have a gasket or two blow and definitely not deal with it kindly which just compounds the problem. and results in me beating myself up later on. that being said, if i took a moment to breath (i usually breath after the fact though), i might also choose to mock the mocking. gives a taste and weirdly adjusts the mockers perspective - and boy! can i get into it. totally ignoring it and moving forward, unshakingly toward a goal also might also work - 'cause the mocker is usually just looking for a reaction...while indirectly communicating an underlying issue of some sort...which you get to decipher or not...'cause you got most of the insight...even though you may not feel that you do. a couple alternatives to consider if the whole discipline thing h'ain't workin'.
you know - i have decided that i loathe giving alternatives. but you seemed a wee bit stuck. but it's hard to offer things without it coming across as patronizing, asshole'ish, or some kind of crap like that. and you weren't really asking...seemed to be mainly venting and sharing...thank you...so i shall stop and no longer offer alternatives...unless asked. the end. :) have a LOVELY day.
oh looky! solomon decides to chirp up and offer his two cents. you know, solomon could speak more than one language. and had many, many, too many wives. and a really big house.
wait! this is bethany's blog. bother. must leave.
so, the idea that the kid might be mocking something he finds it impossible to take seriously is just irritating, and beneath consideration?
wedje: i've mocked back, generally infuriates him, not sure if it really works or not. i suck at not reacting, good to try.
mike: yes it's possible he's mocking something he finds it impossible to take seriously. to someone already raw with guilt, tone is especially critical. i've never doubted your heart or intentions, or your ability to see truth.
i'm more raw right now in general than i think i've ever been. makes for some fun times for all.