In My Middle

Happy Saturday

2007-06-02T10:28:00.000-04:00

Michael took this the other day, and I'm a sucker for reflections. However the reason I really posted it is the drawing in the background that Douglas made a couple months ago. He's really taken off since then, in terms of detail and so on, but I absolutely love this 'family portrait'. Especially the cat :).

M is working today (thank God for that, he only had two days of work last month ...) and Douglas is begging for another 'trip far away' like Coney Island beach. I don't think we'll attempt that again so soon, but trying to find an outing that we'd all enjoy.

Flying Solo ... and loving it

2007-05-29T20:23:00.000-04:00

After my initial frustration that M decided to go out of town for all of Memorial Day weekend (starting Friday am) I settled in and really enjoyed it.

Friday was the first sprinkler day at the park, as it was over 80 degrees, and D had to be hauled home in time for supper. Fynn had a ball too, sitting in the middle near the drain and watching bottle caps float by.

Saturday was a gardening party at D's school, which resulted in soaked/sunburned kids again, as they ran in the sprinklers in their underwear while the adults dug/chopped/edged/weeded, and called the kids back in time to plant. It probably won't last long as there is no hose that reaches the area (we hauled water in a garbage pail on a dolly, not exactly what the pre-K's are up for) but it will be enjoyed for the last month of school anyhow.

Sunday was a birthday party at the Prospect Park Carousel, and the weather couldn't have been nicer. The only day that didn't involve water, but Fynn and Douglas both adored the carousel. D for the ride, and F for the music ... which had him utterly mesmerized. The trip home involved D running ahead down the street, tripping right before a metal mesh garbage can, and bashing in his lip. Thankfully not too bloody, and he recovered pretty quickly.

Monday I was determined to do something special with the day, as M didn't make it home as he hoped, and I was tired of parks and sprinklers. We decided to brave Coney Island beach, and made it down there for 2.5 hours of utterly enjoyable chaos. It was so crowded I could have easily lost D 20 feet from me. With Fynn along, we couldn't really swim, but went out to chest height for D and 'wave jumped' and got enough mouthfuls of water to cause lots of excited screaming. Fynn ate several sand handfuls, and finally just played in it. (This on top of the cat litter he got ahold of in the morning) They both had a ball, and I was so glad I made the effort.

Dragging a stroller backwards across the sand, trying to shade Fynn, cleaning them up afterwards along with 30 bazillion other sandy and tired people. Fynn got a water-bottle bath while standing along the wall outside the bathrooms, it was too crowded everywhere else. A truly great day.

Cedar's here!

2007-05-18T21:07:00.000-04:00

... and I'm realizing just how much I miss having her around. She moved to NYC the same day we did, and lived in our front room for the first 3 months. She moved away a year and 2 days ago, and though we didn't meet up often, it was a serious blow to my social life. And my emotional health ... she has the ability to pry feelings out of me like no other. And I'm so good at stuffing them in and sealing them up, that it's a hard job for anyone.

I haven't had any of my usual outlets in the last year, and it's showing. Running had become a good substitute, but it's been almost a month and I'm still coughing. I think I'll start again anyway, I'm much better otherwise. But I do need to find ways to get things out. Maybe karate or something like it? I'm not a yoga person, I love the idea, but it's not what I need at the moment. I'm feeling ridiculously pent up, and need to find outlets that aren't as destructive as the current minor explosions that keep happening.

Some of it is just accepting where I'm at in life, and not fighting for more freedom from caring for my kids or being 'stuck' at home. Accepting that I no longer get 'thanks for all your hard work' from a boss, but "I want I want I want" from kids all day. The thanks are very few and far between. I did get a voluntary one from D today after making him one of these. At least as closely as I could ... he wanted one badly at the artisan's market last weekend, but I wasn't ready to cough up the $20 to get one. He was thrilled with his homemade version, and wore it to bed. And I got an unprompted thanks, which was highly enjoyed.

Road Trip 2007

2007-05-10T21:01:00.000-04:00

The Stats :
8 days
2200 miles
one Toyota Camry
5 different beds
4 different visits
2 road-acceptant kids
1 claustrophobic mom (don't ask me how I had to feed Fynn in the backseat of a Camry between 2 car seats.)
1 cousin-intoxicated 5-year-old
1 diaper-rashed 10-month-old
fireplaces and moonlit trees and wine and conversation
fellowship of delicious sorts
family
old friendships found to be exactly as delightful as the last real conversation 4 years ago
twinges of the desire to set down real roots

..................................
The pics are in no particular order, and I was too lazy to animate

Grambie Rotten Kid Rule ... Rottener and better than ever. I can only hope to be this cool at 91.

A Great Visit

2007-04-27T22:50:00.000-04:00

Thanks R and M for a most delightful weekend!

Somehow the Staten Island Ferry is almost always good for pictures ...

There are more, but we leave in the morning for 10 days on the grand circuit of upstate NY, Michigan, Illinois, Ohio, and back to NY. It's 11pm, and I haven't packed a stitch of clothing yet. What else is new?!

May I actually relax this trip. We'll see.

aha, some of the humor :)

2007-04-15T23:27:00.000-04:00

must be some humor in this ...

2007-04-15T18:02:00.000-04:00

the day douglas goes back to school after spring break, I get food poisoning.
the same day, michael puts his back out.
the next day, the landlord's ceiling falls in, narrowly missing his sleeping form.
michael, with bad back, gets to chip out remaining 2" thick plaster chunks, and bag them and carry them down 2 flights and to the curb.
the day i get over food poisoning (4 days later) i get a cold.

(the sunny day before the nor'easter hits, we DO get outside to the park! yay.)

today the rain hits, as predicted, and we stay entertained.
laundry gets done.
games played.
naps had (by some at least ...)
and then the fun begins.

Fynn knocks over the cat's water (a large jug) and it re-curls the floorboards and goes under the piano.
I start to lose my voice.
Michael promises Douglas that he can paint, and finally goes to set it up.
Gets the things out, and decides he better check the boys' room for leaks.
Discovers steady leak, already soaking all the blankets stored on the top bunk.
(this is the second time in the last 12 months.)
Drape wet blankets everywhere.
Scrambles to contain leak.
Fynn wails at not joining the party on the top bunk (of course douglas, already 'dressed' for painting in nothing but his underpants, is dancing up there too)
Fynn gets yoghurt finger paint to play with and has a ball.
Douglas skids on the dropcloth and scrapes up his knee.
Michael disappears with landlord to temporarily deal with leak.
Painting water jar gets knocked over before painting starts, soaking drop cloth and another chunk of wooden floor.
Douglas paints.
I referee between him and Fynn's yoghurt, which he'd now rather paint with.
Argue with Douglas.
Douglas paints cheerios w/yoghurt paint and glues them to Fynn's tray.
Fynn eats all the cheerios.
Repeat with pieces of bread.
Michael reappears periodically in his rain gear to get things, and bows out again.
Both boys get dunked in the bath and scrubbed.
Fynn gets scared of Douglas' bath antics and wants out.
Trying to dry both boys at once and diaper fynn, I fall back onto the cloth diaper tie thingie, poking 5 holes in the meaty part of my palm.
Yelp politely.
Let loose with a very loud fart that has Douglas howling even louder w/laughter.
Michael reappears, and cuts a hole in the boy's ceiling to drain any further water.
Feed Fynn to bed, and discover the blanket draped over the end of his crib was wetter than imagined, and soaked his 2 quilts and sheet.
Remove quilts.
Decide wet part of sheet isn't under him, and plop him in.
Douglas eats and goes to bed.
I lose my voice.
We collapse at the table at 9pm to eat blackened barbecued turkey wings that I put on 3 hours earlier.
In peace.
And quiet.
And wonder what's coming next.
Lightning and more rain, for starters :)
-----------
M says the 'temp' fix will have to be upped a notch with sand bags (pilfered from D's sandbox) if the rain/wind pick up much. Should be a fun night!

Herds of Minnows

2007-04-13T07:58:00.000-04:00

I know they're not herds, they're probably schools, but I'm glad that the last (I think) bunch has decided to exit my body in a rush ... the nether end that is. Food poisoning sucks, and if you've had it you know what I'm talking about.
--------
update : I was wrong, more herds. my father-in-law says activated charcoal helps absorb the poison, i think M is picking up some after his chiro appointment. here's hoping ... fynn is crawling around the floor eating douglas' picked over orange peels from his school snack, and D's at the table working on a book, his latest obsession. i'm not too mom-focused today.

ladderboy

2007-04-03T23:41:00.000-04:00

laughter

2007-04-03T23:39:00.000-04:00

love

2007-04-03T23:37:00.000-04:00

Stewing

2007-03-29T14:03:00.000-04:00

... on many things. Can't go into it right now due to time, but struggling with the idea that I've gotten it into my head that as a special brethren chick i have to be better (behaved, taught, disciplined, holy, etc ... ) than everyone else. this gets me to feeling superior, and all generous about 'cutting slack' for those who weren't raised in as privileged position as i (?!), so I forgive them their "less than perfect" ways. Excuse me while I work on perfection over here, enjoy the mudpit you were born into over there.

That's putting it in as extreme a light as I can, but somewhere in there is the truth of it all. Partly coming from this post, and partly from a conversation w/a friend as a result of that (thanks D) and currently precipitated by the movie Dogville I watched last weekend.

Happy Birthday Douglas!

2007-03-04T22:02:00.000-05:00

The big 5. Hard to imagine from here ...

In a house now littered with Zoob, MegaBloks, Lego, Gears, and many many other small parts, perfect for swiping and chewing on by his "twin at this age" brother.

I miss my car ...

2007-03-05T21:29:00.000-05:00

... Because of making moments like this possible. Somehow I don't have the courage yet (?) to do the same on the subway. Getting it out, loudly, and with every bit of gusto you can squeeze out. Arriving limp and finished. My "inner Mimi" has been doing quite a bit of howling lately, and I'm not sure where she's headed.

Dutiful me is headed to ms word to type up my last client summary for the day.

Stinky Rugs

2007-03-03T12:25:00.000-05:00

The wool rug in our room has started to smell like latex in the last couple of months. Old stinky latex ... Michael noticed it first. It's less than 2 years old, and was bought on overstock.com. Made in India of course. The smell got stronger and stronger, and was really irritating. We finally rolled it up last week, and I just got around to looking online to see if there's any way to 'fix' it. We assumed the latex backing was disintegrating, but wanted to see if anyone else had the same problem. I found this discussion thread, and no longer wonder. Most there have issues w/Pottery Barn rugs, but some also from overstock and other places that import 'handmade' rugs.

Many many of the posters also have kids, and a lot have had problems with athsma, allergies, headaches, etc, in the kids who were in the rooms. Some have had those problems disappear once they remove the rugs. Fynn has been congested since age 2 weeks, with brief respites here and there, most notably when away from home. He's been in the room w/the rug since birth, had his crib over it, and now that he's in w/Douglas and old enough to sit, he plays on it every day.

Here's hoping that the removal of said rug (as of this morning) will maybe make a difference?? We shall see! At least our room doesn't stink of old rubber anymore!

Hot Link ...

2007-03-03T06:52:00.000-05:00

Glad he got the coverage here, not so glad he quoted me exactly to a reporter! Sigh.

Tickled Pink

2007-02-27T22:45:00.000-05:00

I got a new toy today in the mail, from a friend who knows I want to run. I'm tickled more than pink. Thank you!

Brothers

2007-02-26T17:54:00.000-05:00

Fynn and Douglas are starting to really get along, and it's a lovely thing. Not all the time, mind you, but enough that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Fynn adores Douglas, and follows him absolutely everywhere, with his eyes that is. Douglas loves the attention, so long as his toys aren't threatened, and sometimes deliberately entertains him. He's also gotten very protective of him, and warns me (often) of when he might be able to fall, get hurt, eat something small, etc. ... and I often hear my own words coming right back at me.

These pics are from Sunday morning, early, as they both were crawling on the bed and I was too lazy to get up yet. Michael was still at the studio after pulling an all-nighter.

So I don't harp on it ad nauseum ...

2007-02-23T17:14:00.000-05:00

... I've started another blog for marathon stuff. It's as much a training record as anything, but it helps me track my progress. The more I talk about it, the more I feel accountable to make good on my promise to run in November. Back to my regularly scheduled grumbling, or whatever it is that I do.

benefits of getting up and out at 6:45 am

2007-02-21T16:24:00.000-05:00

: seeing a squirrel snacking out of a garbage can
: seeing the sunrise reflected on the Williamsburg Savings Bank facade
: finding sheet ice on my usual path, and discovering a new one
: realizing that i've already made progress, and can run 25 min nonstop, not bad for starting out 2.5 weeks ago and only going 5 minutes. (I'm sure the temp rise had nothing to do with it)
: getting home at my normal wake-up time and having tons of energy
: just plain feeling good ;)
: realizing just how many things will have to change in the next few months to actually pull off a marathon in November. so many habits like bedtimes and food consumption (or lack thereof), backup from M, some weekends, every trip, etc ...
: coming home and having husband who agrees to said 'backups' and doesn't complain at having had a screaming baby for 30 minutes of my time out. admittedly his brain was too foggy to figure out that it was indeed time for Fynn to get up, and thaw a bottle ... we learn :)

-------------

just ordered this and am contemplating this though I'm finding it cheaper on ebay.

-------------

i think i'm actually serious about this whole thing. feels good to my bones.

upon my statement that I intend to run the nyc marathon this fall ...

2007-02-19T12:23:00.000-05:00

from a friend who's run it before ...
------------
You need to get to the point of running five miles a day, five times a
week no later than May. Every two weeks you run a "long" round, starting
at 10 miles and increasing by 2 miles:

May: 10
June: 12, 14
July: 16, 18
August: 20, 22
September: 22, 22
October: 22, 22

There is no need to run more than 22 miles. Marathon distance bears a
real risk of injury.
-----------------------------

I can do it, I know ... the trick is committing the time to it.

I ran this morning, despite the frigid cold and the absence of any other runners, who were most likely running indoors ... slow, yes ... 5 miles, no ... but I made it a point to get out and do it no matter what.

I'll be doing a lot of that if I'm to succeed.

I spoke too soon

2007-02-14T21:59:00.000-05:00

He hasn't slept thru the night since that post, due to congestion again and general fussiness (i *think* he's finally actually teething.)

Having real sleep dangled like a carrot, and then replaced with crying/waking every 10 minutes for 4 hours straight does something to you. i think i snapped around 3 hours in and it wasn't too pretty after that. perpetual sleep deprivation does something.

---------------
happy valentines day! I got a sparkling clean stove as a gift, and a hyper-organized tupperware drawer. husband received fresh coffee in bed and a favorite dinner, which got eaten in shifts and mostly cold after fynn decided to fuss all over the place, and i think we actually all sat down together at the very end of the meal. a game of old maid with douglas rounded out his day ... and made it for him i think. now if they'll sleep long enough for michael and i to tackle a painting together like we've been trying to do for months, we'll have something.

Major Milestone! She says with bated breath ...

2007-02-10T21:34:00.000-05:00

For the last two nights, both boys have slept through the night (9+ hours) in the same room. Without a peep, at least any loud enough peeps for me to wake up. Mind you I only slept 5 of those hours, but it's bliss to wake up at 6am and realize that you have been sleeping for 5 hours nonstop. I've forgotten what it's like, and am afraid to get too used to it, as I'm sure 'this too shall pass' in some form or another. Meanwhile, I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

This means too that they're both going to bed around 8 or 8:30 pm, which means that there is such a thing as a quiet evening to be had. Another miracle!

be careful what you wish for ...

2007-02-08T20:26:00.000-05:00

About a month ago, our housemate S asked me if we were still comfortable with her here, or did we want the front room back? I honestly assured her that we were truly happy w/her here, and didn't want her to move on.

The last couple of weeks I've gotten the re-arrange itch, strongly, and have been having a heyday with it. My favorite cat-trashed orange mini-easy-chair moved from Douglas', scratch that, The Boys room into the corner of the dining area. The stereo/CD's now sit next to the washer. The chest from the front hall is now a coffee table in our room, and the stroller can park where it used to be, meaning i don't have to lean over the stroller while getting dishes. I've closet cleaned, dresser cleaned, and made $150 on ebay selling things I've dragged out.

Somewhere in this process, I started eyeing the front room and wondering what we'd do with it if we did have it back. I've been craving a 'me space' that's not linked to my computer, so I can do things besides work or getting lost on the internet. Like read books, write letters, make photo albums, sew, etc ... feeding whatever urge I have that day if I find the time. I managed the orange chair, which is a good start. I started thinking how nice it would be if we could use that front room as our bedroom and my office (it gets GREAT morning light in the summer) and turn our current room into a true living room / playroom combo. I worked out roughly how many steady coaching clients I'd need in order to pay for it (8 if you're wondering ... I currently have 4 paying ones, with one being only once a month) This morning, I told M I'd been really lusting after that room since I had new ideas on how to use it.

Tonight S came home, settled in, and then came to sit by me on our couch. She took a deep breath, looked a little funny, and blurted out that "I've decided to move back into the city".
She said she'd been thinking about it in January, but wasn't quite sure so waited a few weeks. She said not till April, and I was too chicken to ask if that meant April 1 or 30 .... probably the 1st. As I think she paid us a security deposit, that means she's paid the last of her rent. Ouch! Lots of room for God to work, not that he needs much, but we either need a big income boost between the 2 of us, or have to find another renter. I've always said I couldn't imagine anyone else living there, now we'll have to see.

I'm going to miss her.

new look

2007-02-04T18:23:00.000-05:00

felt like a change, so made it grey. tired of images on a dotted background. lost my cool again w/not getting fynn to sleep, some day he'll go down easily. at least both boys are in the same room!

went to see this ron mueck's work at the brooklyn museum this afternoon ... amazing stuff. my favorites were the old man and the 16' long newborn baby ... complete with blood smears and a cord. insane to see it a such a scale ... his realism is eerie. I thought it the most convincing on the old man, despite his crouching figure being taller than me.

the boys are asleep, michael is home-depot'ing, and I'm plotting how I can carve out a space of my own in this apartment that is NOT work-related. may be small, but i have to be able to sit. contemplating trying to convince michael to share his computer w/me and ditch mine as it's about to die anyhow, given the whining of my hard-drive and it's advanced age. this may be difficult ... he always hopes to use his though rarely succeeds. if i had to share, perhaps i'd not be on it so much? one can hope.